This has been the hardest 10 days of my life. I can't imagine how its been for him. They've gone so slow. Everyday is the same routine, wake up, cry. Put the dogs out, work out, cry. Shower (with crying). Do my chores, sit on facebook, listen to music, cry, feed the animals, get ready for bed and cry myself to sleep. I count the days on the calendar every day, as if tomorrow is magically the day I get to see him again. I play a recording he made for me in a teddy bear a million times when I go to bed, and a million more times when I wake up.
As depressing as my days are, I have no desire to make them better. I still can't grasp living without him. I still can't get used to coming home without seeing his face. Happiness wasn't in my life before him, and it isn't without him. Everyone says "get a hobby" or "you need to grow without him". But I don't know how to do that, and I'm not sure if I want to yet. It feels like no one in my life can understand my emotions right now. I feel like I'm completely alone in this even though I know I'm not the only one. There was nothing I could do to prepare for these emotions. I hope so hard I can be normal again.
Today was not Thanksgiving for me. Today, 10 days ago we hugged for the last time. I can still smell him. I can still feel his arms around me. I can still feel his bony collar bone on my cheek, and I miss it all so bad. My heart hurts, it aches every day I wake up and I don't see him next to me. The only thing that keeps me going is that I'll be able to feel his embrace again, and until then, my soul just doesn't have the strength to do anything else.
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